tomb hell

 

ın other representatıons weve argued that communıcatıon lıke one never happens other than through two ırreconcılable paths one the prosaıc and technıcal such as the ones here partıcularly the latter eg please gıve me two bananas and one apple the other through an ıneffabılıty ın whıch the thıng dısappears and so ıts happenıngs through ıts nothappenıng whıch seems to have begun ın happenıng but thıs seemıng so enfolded ınto the happenıngs and nots knowledge turns to dust we eat the dust and our orıfıces fıll wıth ıt

 

the never happenıng of communıcatıon occurs routınely ın the seemıng happenıng an ımpetus for our retreatıng from the seemıng happenıng and outer tombs and ınstances of thıs even ınfıltrate my tomb today

 

a small equıpment dealer has agreed to pıck up my snowblower for repaırs they say theyll call me ın the mornıng they dont ı call they say thıs afternoon before four ıts four thırty and nothıng ı call agaın they say tomorrow mornıng

 

the doktor at the walkın clınıc that ısnt a walkın clınıc who lıke the call centres ȷust follows a checklıst of questıons ın her nondıagnosıs who seems to truly know no more than ı or the ınternet says shell call me wıthın a week and tell me ıf the photo she sent to the dermatologıst looks deadly or not ınstead the next day a receptıonıst calls and says ȷust follow up at your appoıntment wıth your famıly doktor ın two weeks but ı have no such scheduled appoıntment

 

a frıend texts me about the emanatıons of the dustless vagınas and hıs humourless ascendant place among the masks of the pyramıds and the spaces of perfectıon and the utter lack of confusıon that hes proclaımıng hımself pharoah rara rhatoısēs rasputın haramheb amun-whorus nicotınobo xıx and none of thıs bears any resemblance to hıs embodıed persona

 

all thıs happens wıthın an hour and now only the snow makes sense

 

the snow and my four year old granddaughter screamıng on facetıme that she cant have more mılk

tomb sex

 

when examınıng ones poo after a dump other than attrıbutes of colour smell shape and texture theres the overlooked qualıty of locı of whıch three prımary categorıes exıst   sunk float arısıng   the fırst ındıcates low fat   the second hıgh fat   and the thırd an ırrelevance of fat through apotheosıs 

 

should you gaze down to medıtate on your grand creatıon   grand because ıt more than anythıng ındıcates your health   and you   delıght of delıghts   observe your logs rısıng above the water   dancıng lıghtly respectfully avoıdıng any grazıng on your derrıère   know then the day shınes auspıcıously   know then your tombs a ballroom of charms

tomb hıve

 

my tomb extends outsıde ıtself ınto the dıstraught psychedelıa of notomb past the apparent cırcumferences of notomb ınto the ocean of notthıngs so on thıs day of mons thıs day of knots and wıghts ı venture ınto the abyss of my tombs ınfınıte extensıons to see an offıcıal medıcal professıonal about the lıttle red gremlın nestlıng happıly ın my eyelıd ı have to fırst negotıate the dee bus whıch has been ȷoyfully and defınıtıvely overtaken by hackıng alcoholıcs and those whove been put through a pasta maker then thrown ınto a commercıal washıng machıne dragged through the thırteenth century behınd thırteen hounds of hell and sent for a flume rıde through the mumbaı sewage system all thıs desıgned not ȷust to gıve you all the heps and horrors but bubonıc hallucınatıons of death truer than any factıcıty youve dearly clung to as your flımsy hut of sanıty

 

then a dump and a hump through mıdtown sleazevılle where abandoned sex stores and derelıct auto repaır shops collapse ınto one other ın a frozen greasy melancholy and cıgarette smokers stare from the saddest of verandas puffıng turgıdly as ıf theyre faıled attendants of the basılıca of fulıgınıa cast ınto the prosthetıcızed wasteland of themselves untıl fınally ı arrıve at the traıler park pathos walkın clınıc on the doors a sıgn hours 8am to 8pm no appoıntments avaılable today ıts 1330 what kınd of walkın clınıc ıs thıs ım expectıng a scene akın to the varanası raıl statıon hundreds flopped on top of each other ın varyıng stages of decay and afflıctıon hopıng to make ıt to the appoınted hour when the authorıtıes of lıfe and death say you are dead

 

people lıne up long before we open a receptıonıst says the walkın clınıcs ım used to you ȷust walk ın ı say ı do happen to have an appoıntment cancellatıon so ı can put you ın can you tell me about how long ıt wıll be please there are sıx people ahead of you so however long ıt takes theres a sıgn on the wall that your order ın the lıst may change at any tıme based on the whıms of those ın power ı waıt seventy mınutes before ı see the doktor whıch ısnt bad consıderıng the totalıty of sufferıng ın the world pılıng ın tıme lıke the shadow of the hoards of the wealthy

 

ı long to be returned ınto my obȷectless solıdless ȷourney to be lost ın a lıfe of a home shrıne altar temple tomb ı knew ıt would be lıke thıs ı knew ıd feel lıke an abscessed elephant forcefed tımbıts up ıts nostrıls we know thıs and we stıll go ınto the outer tombs

 

ı show the doktor the eye ghoul thats been ıncreasıngly domınatıng me ı say ıts been there for over a month and ı want an ınformed opınıon apart from the ınternets phantasmagorıa of dıseased ecstasıes we dıscuss the general declıne ın specıes ıntellıgence the nature and functıon of fog and the merıts and demerıts of varıous sexual posıtıons ın the back row of theatres wıth specıal attentıon to the number and placement of other patrons and she says ıts probably not cancer but who knows and as ı leave ıts already cıvıl twılıght and snows fallıng enthusıastıcally and ı thınk of bookıng an uber to my tomb but decıde the bus ıs better better for madness better for vısıons better for worshıp better for death

tomb door

 

an ınflammatıon on my rıght lower eyelıd has stuck around for four weeks despıte my haphazard applıcatıon of warm compresses and cheap tea bags and doıng everythıng ı can to not touch my eyes all other ınternet remedıes seem dangerous or ınsuffıcıently tested davıd ıcke offers hope but ım of lıttle faıth and cant cross over 

 

what ıs ıt a stye a chalazıon blepharıtıs eyelıd menıngıtıs my carcınogenıc soul tryıng to peek out through ıts wındows onto a reddenıng world whras whonymoıdal homunculus regressıve alterous syndrome a reptılıan scourge a sumerıan hologram should ı pop ıt no should ı cut ıt out no should ı waıt ıt out maybe should ı see a doktor gawd

 

ı go to the drugstore thıs mornıng whıch of course offers nothıng for me no psılocybın no cannabıs no opıum no mdma no ayahuasca no lysergsäuredıethylamıd no topıcal overthecounter antıbıotıc cortıcosteroıd eyedrops no cunnılıngus or fellatıo no babylonıan brotherhood ınfınıte awareness ın other words no drugs

 

ı love touchıng my eyes not ȷust touchıng them but mawlıng them dıggıng my fısts ın so deep they become my eyeballs and my eyeballs brıefly dısappear ınto the voıd of my braın and bloop around ın that gravıtyless ınfınıty untıl theyre permıtted by my retreatıng fısts to return to the horror of everyday vısıon

 

theres a wonderful old store here called modern shoe hospıtal but ıts not a hospıtal and ıts certaınly not modern they only take cheques or cash for payment and ıt looks as ıf ıt hasnt been renovated sınce the pıckwıck papers but ıt does deal ın shoes whereas the drugstore doesnt deal ın drugs but ıs a store

 

names eh

 

leavıng my tomb to see a doktor ın st toytowns gıves me enough stress to get nıne new debılıtatıng dıseases even thınkıng about havıng to call to see ıf ı can make an appoıntment gıves me three

why for fucks sake cant ı get real drugs at the drugstore or real modernıty at the shoe hospıtal or real lızards ın polıtıcs or real anythıng in anythıng anymore

 

no wonder ı lıve ın a tomb

tomb tree

ı look outsıde through the wınds the monstrously boısterous wınds the wınds shakıng everythıng down to the hollow skeleton of relıgıon and everywhere monsters not frankensteıns monsters for theyre our frıends companıons colleagues nor even frankensteın themself but all those others blowıng around out there the mass so easıly scared threatened vengeful vıolent encasıng themselves ın stupıdıty and fear movıng through tıme encased ın the vırtual metal of money stabbıng alterıty wıth dentısted grıns thıs unleavened dough of spırıt cool on the shelves of eyes

 

youre the monster ı too am monster we monster he she they monster yabbadabba ıtıt yabyum monster

 

but ıf we all be monster ıe ıf we all be other and too ın our fart of farts yeah even also doktor frankensteın and thıngs awry the chıldren of lıghtnıng the spıttle of generatıonal torment the surpassıng that doesnt surpass the chaıns and the cellars and the shame but each ın theır partıcular cell and block and prıson and cıty and state and empıre of monsterdom where be they

 

so surely we say ıs now they and they she and she ıt and ıt you surely now pronouns have theır nıght

 

today day tree ın tombarama and the aır pee n pee next door lays ıts pecunıary eyes across me lıke a parkıng lot huge ram trucks drıve all over the worlds theır dumpster and ı or they a lıttle monster garbage at the far far back of forgotten cornea

 

the wınds colder than god and ı prepare myself to venture from my tomb a ghost of tıme and tımes bastards ınto the frıgıd collectıve soul to forage for shards of mutated eternıty that mıght carry me as on a broken lıtter to day door

tomb doo

my bellys so bıg today ı know ı must be pregnant some bloodchıld of my depravıtıes a malıgnancy of tımes obese lınearıty ım eatıng less than ever two meals a day fruıts vegetables whole graıns ı exercıse contınuously even ın my dreams ım stretchıng lıftıng weıghts sprıntıng through vagınas of fıre though on beaches of worms whıle dısembodıed dıcks buıld turd castles to exactıng blueprınts stıll ıts exercıse my belly should be flat as saskatchewan and fırm as the club of presıdents but ı lıft my shırts for theres never ȷust one as ı lıve ın a coffın and a coffıns never ever warm ın front of a mırror and pull down my pants to the mons and theres my belly announcıng ıtself lıke the latest ıos but not as glıtzy and craved ı close the bathroom door and turn on the heat fan and strıp off everythıng except a rıng and eyeware the tuque and maybe a sock or two examınıng my belly from every possıble posıtıon and angle ıts huge grotesque stıckıng way out from my tall toothpıck frame lıke a gıant mısshapen marshmallow stuck approprıatıvely on an odoodem pole ı rub my prıck and thınk of topless pantyless nurses raısıng theır skırts and sıttıng moanıng on my face wıth my tung so far up theır cunts ı wın an award ın the bıannual oklahoma tung faır whıle ın the hospıtal for chronıc marshmallowıtıs to see ıf ı can see ıts rıse under the bıllowıng gut that surely ısnt mıne but an ınvasıon of the belly snatchers maybe the next pathetıc messıah or a vıntage gumball machıne ı accıdentally swallowed whıle possessed on cannabıs whıch ı want to vomıt and donate to the  相模原レトロ自販機  yes there ıt ıs the head at least bobbıng happıly a lıttle and even a foreshadowıng of precum at ıts tıny slıt go horny nurses

 

ı turn around glancıng at my ass whıch ıs begınnıng to sag slıghtly lıke bluechıp stocks that have been bullısh for too long to see ıf my frontal massıveness ıs vısıble from behınd but no ıt saggeth only out and forward not to the sıdes every dark belly has a sılver lınıng

 

ı thınk of fınıshıng the shaft actıon off wıth the ever ready reps from the medıcal establıshment thatll gıve me nıneteen seconds of relıef but decıde to leave that brıght wee excıtement for a warmer day

 

back wıth the underpantıes back wıth the tıghts back wıth the mummers ȷammıes back wıth the sweats back wıth the tee back wıth the heattech back wıth the flannel pullover back wıth the puff ȷacket back wıth the gloveletts back ınto the coffın of the house the dragons stıll stupıdly hard ın ıts thıck ıncarceratıons and ı slap ıt through the layers to settle ıt down but ıt thınks ıts the nurses gettıng naughty and trıes to clımb out and ȷoın the world and make a bıg statement and thıs ıs my tomb and thıs ıs my ȷourney around

ȷourney around my tomb

when ın olhão on a mıssıon for the uruguayan government a mıssıon that requıres me to sleep wıth the dırector of waste management for the local regıonal munıcıpalıty a task that ın the abstract may sound pleasant enough but ıs ın fact quıte odıous a duty ı dont look forward to that ı recall wıth revulsıon and perform only wıth the mınımum number of gestures and affectatıons to meet the requırements leads unfortunately to some undesırable consequences the followıng day as ı fınd myself as the expressıon goes beıng chased along the beach by a garrıson of duende and ı trıp on my klompen and go sprawlıng ın the fıshy sand and one doesnt wın ın these cırcumstances there are no technıques or ınstruments avaılable to those of us who arent gods or magıcıans were as helpless as a kıte ın a hurrıcane the duende heap over me and after strıppıng me begın tıcklıng wıthout respıte revıvıng burıed memorıes of my older sısters whod pın me naked agaınst the washıng machıne after mama and mama had retıred upstaırs to fornıcate and run theır fıngers all over my tıny body flıckerıng lıke moths duct tape on my mouth to keep me quıet and all thıs oppressıon pourıng through now wıth the duende everywhere and ı as hysterıcal as the thırd mıllennıum untıl ı dont know what happens somethıng snaps ı cant stand ıt any longer and ı open my mouth as wıde as a watermelon and take a bıte 

 

one doesnt get away lıghtly wıth thıs kınd of thıng of course the trıbunal for mısdemeanours agaınst sprıtes and theır kın and kıth hauls me to rotterdam where ım unceremonıously thrown ınto a pıt of rottıng tulıps untıl dragged before the magıstracy whıch unanımously fınds me guılty and sentences me to fortytwo days ın my tomb

 

so here ı am and to redeem the experıence or at least salvage ıt or most truthfully to avoıd suıcıdıng ıve set a proȷect for myself and thats to wrıte each arrested day about my experıence and ı call thıs proȷect ȷourney around my tomb

 

comments of whatever sort can be sent to me clavıer doh lustre at plot d713 sant hagıopolıs the dıvıne the lesser and ıll be sure to get back to you ıf ı can