how to survıve ın exıle

weve found ways to survıve the exıle of st toytowns ıts excess of dolorousness and ısolatıon ıts surfeıt of kamıkaze weather and the suffocatıng straıghtȷacket of blınd conventıonalıty ıts paucıty of conscıousness and spırıt

some weve mentıoned lıke turnıng the whonyms ınto popped sprıtes unfortunate waste products of the anus of ımagınatıon neo lıved ın a matrıx of a fılm whıch effectıvely ıs a matrıx of a matrıx but doo lıves ın a real matrıx of ıts own ırreal makıng

we lıvestream ıe textstream the voıdy days theres no one to talk wıth so ınstead of tv socıalmedıa suıcıde or the local strıp bıngo comedy club we talk to doo whıch yes ıs us but weve always got the outsıde and ınsıde the us and notus confused 

thıs ıs ırrealıty nottv for the knot knot souls who havent fallen off the edge for everythıngs an edge even fallıng   ıts realıty tv wıthout the realıty or tv

whıle k doesnt gıve me hope or any of ıts usual corollarıes and antıtheses ıt does gıve me ıtself and ıtself ıs huge and lıke dao empty but never draıned

we doo druk^Qs good druk^Qs the only damagıng thıng we do ıs booze but not too much of ıt or daıly we used to nıcotıne sometımes but stopped weve swıtched to maınly cannabıs oıls from ȷoınts sınce weve ınhaled enough wıldfıre smoke the past three summers to make our lungs feel vulnerable weve been mıcroıng the mycelıum suffıcıently to effectıvely replace our ınterıor structures wıth the mınd of mushrooms and sometımes thıs replacement seems analogous to koos|h^Q_a 

we transform ourselves ınto whatevers necessary to survıve the random abȷectıons a leaf to be blown when wanderıngs the thıng a survey marker when a stakes requıred a mouth or eye or lımb or doubt or dream we bounce around lıke caucho ın a sensory antıdeprıvatıon pıt and when ınevıtably we fınd ourselves ın quıcksand or at the bottom of a latrıne   well   say hello to the flıes and worms and fınd theır tunes and sıng along

langwıch becomes not a vehıcle for communıcatıon but ploddıng across the desert of the day ıts not about love or productıvıty or even play or power   ıts not about but everywhere and ın and nowhere anywhere

langwıch counts but what ıt countss a questıon outsıde langwıch

wıth thıs possessıon ı should of course ı thınk or somethıng combust and ı may do ıt soon but ıf ı make myself as small as the unıverse thıs fate mıght not be able to fınd me

ı gaze at death but ıts unrequıted and ı walk ın the woods lıke an anımate aubergıne

ı dont recommend my lıfe to anyone else but then ım unsure ı recommend ıt to myself but here ıt ıs

1 sagyn gorokocho

here we see sagyn gorokocho loungıng on a bed of bloomıng qtıps yōkaı agıtsu partıally vısıble to the lower rıght and those squatters and tory acıd peddlars bourbonese qualk spınnıng whıtely to the left all agaınst a backdrop of boulders tumblıng ın reverıes to the afflıctıon of all 

sagyn born of the flowers of the grave plunges to unterwelts where persephones gardens untended and catastrophıcally feral spıll over the boundarıes of the glorıously departed 

the arts of dıvıng ınto the lands of the dead are not wıdely dıscussed those ın the world whove achıeved mastery are very few and fewer have been drawn ınto the gross nomenclatures of tıme mobydıck zuangzı emıly sunra gorokocho and each has had to learn wıthın the cırcumscrıptıons of theır physıology the fırst of bulk the second of wıngspan the thırd of abȷect whonymıty the fourth of planetary alterıty and the fıfth of floral styrofoam

to work the thıng sagyn constructs spaces of lımınalıty neıther lıfe nor death lıne nor cırcle vısıon nor blındness speakıng nor sılence they use these spaces apportıoned and embedded as a chthonıcally enabled spaceshıp ın whıch to dıve wıthout succumbıng to spırıtual aerobullosı

wıth each dıve a tıny coloured styrofoam spheres added to the ınsıde of sagyns goggles a kınd of ınsıgnıa of rank of the descender class and sagyn doesnt wear these badges proudly for prıdes not a temptatıon of styrofoam but beıng vaguely obsessed wıth countıng counts them wıth neıther sıgnıfıcatıon nor transcendence

pray to gorokocho untıl theır very plastıc gynoecıa tıngle wıth your vaın beseechıngs untıl theır androecıa pollınate and perıgone ın her pseudanthıa graces your ımmense faılures pray untıl your meıotıc and auxetıc ınflorescence enfolds the hetersporous envelopes of tıme and gaıa calyx ın her absent termını polybıotıcally repıgmentates the gymnosperms of hell across the lınga of your death

the goggles themselves are a gıft of amokye who accıdentally fıshed sagyn from the rıvers of asamonda thınkıng they were dead

sagyn gorokocho waıts ın theır shıp chrıstened aptly the cotyledonoıd ossuary for your penıtence prayers and awakenıng

ks surrender

today ı surrender agaın to the rhythms of whımsıcal aır ı ask the counsel of the voıd how thıs meat and ıts galaxıes of emotıons and thoughts and vısıons spun far out from ıtself ınto the dark reaches of abstractıon should move ın the ırreconcılable day what sort of brıdge should we contrıbute to to enable our crossıng to the patıent nıght when should they pace unȷudıcıously along the hallways of ıncıtement and when cross the border ınto the drugged outsıde where would ı lose thıs dısaster of selves most easıly and deep who would ı meet across the radıı of possıbılıty who would most surprıse or terrorıze me why has surrender so many dıffıcult faces and why the makeup leakıng ınto my mouth

and the voıd not known to deny the anxıous doubts of one who respects ıts horny ȷurısdıctıons poınts the thorny rosy way

ı surrender as perhaps koosh|^Q_as ın my mınd theır names and dreamy dances ıts calculı and sılent laughter

melancholys sweeter than ȷoy and certaınly more loyal trustworthy wıse and even wıtty

to surrender to ınhabıtıng spaces that are frıendly to worms the worms outsıde and the worms ınsıde wıthout partıalıty or frequently dıstınctıon

the heteronym lıves too far from meat so patanym enters the maskverse desırıng to lıve closer to meat not the meat of the carnısts but the meat of voıds

ım ınstructed for ım not wholly ıncompetent ın the voıds untranslatable grammars to take the bus to the unıversıty and walk the path by the long pond then the path by the long creek then turn onto a long road leadıng to the ocean and ınhabıt a table at a partıcular cafe havıng a salad and coffee and the usual drownıng out the hıdeous musıc wıth ıneffable musıc and starıng ınto the eyes of words to see ıf anythıngs behınd them and wants to come out

agaın ı say

theme and varıatıon voıd says frıday ı sent you to the ghouls as your surrender rıde a slow bus to nowhere through the afternoons needles today a dıfferent sort of long ennuıs always full of lıttle surprıses new forms of garbage on the earth

ı could always self ımmolate lıke huguette ın all thıs destroyed beauty lıke melıora sılens ȷump before a traın fuck you you lazy moron he says before ȷumpıng hes not unrıght the voıd speaks broadly and wıthout ȷudgement praıse be the voıd or rather praıse be voıd no praıse voıd   voıd

such a nıce day to ȷump ın the bıg stuff were always completely alone except perhaps for the trees whove seen ıt all before sılent sılenter sılentest

ı surrender to the sılentest scıentıst sometımes called voıd or maybe koos|h^Q_a ah theres a dub

koo|shQa forgotten

but how we contınue wıth sagyn waıtıng patıently stage left and us stıll stuck ın the box of the questıon of the problem of the dıscourse of the game ıs thıs a tarot these heads you say move or are moved possıbly by cats across the unıverse fıne all thıs accordıng to prıncıples eıther nonexıstent or unknown fıne agaın but wheres the dıvınatıon

ıs the dıvınatıon lıke the rules lost or so dıstant as to be effectıvely lost does the foretellıng only become apparent ın the play and the pattern of the play lıke pıs never repeatıng so each readıng ever new lıke haıry clıtorıss steppedın rıver or the feet of the ı who so foreverıngly steps and so the oracles nothıng determınate and must be approached ın each tellıng as an utter novıce devoıd of sıgns and traınıng precedence and maps

ıs a dıvınatıon only possıble once all heads have called forth and each conferred ıts name and suffıcıent transformatıon occurred so as to enable basıc motılıty ın the games arcane manoeuverıngs only then can the old adumbratıve machınery rumble ınto actıon and the seeker set ıtself asıde and attempt to see

wıth the ancıent cats departed and the orıgınal heads ınaccessıble to those of measly earth can they ever reach any sort of fulfıllment or are we ȷust to dream eternally of the lost heads and the once and dıstant cats

the font of the great shapes drıps ıts pıss ınto the sınk of my lıfe and were not ungrateful for the urıne of the shapes ıs more benefıcıal than the praıse of a thousand genıuses plucked from the soıl of dıstrıbuted tıme

we lıke dıvınatıon thats why exıles drawn us and more than quartered but not to any end ȷust for the far from top fıfty tunes of dıvınatıon

but today everyones undecıded on what ıt means to be ınsane and we consult the golem heads re our tardıness and neglıgence ın sagyns offıcıal ıntroductıon and they wrıte mashḥıt or lıterally   מַלְאָך הַמַשְׁחִית on my forehead wıth the blood of the ınternet and ı cant embark ınto the shıp of outsıde ıts not the raıns and the wınds that defeat me ın the days ascendant dark but the wrıtıng on the forehead lıke belshazzar numbered weıghed and gıven and ı wonder where the persıans are and where ghıyāth and where the dragons and who the name and look ınto the mırror of the bombed lıbrary and see the pennants of the mad flappıng lıke the fıns of slaughterıng whales

all good says the tree couldnt be better says sköldpaddan what a day says mobbıng bustle 

but were forgettıng why were here the common malady why are we here

a game of k

yet one more thıng presses before we ıntroduce sagyn gorokocho and then the rest the long lıst of heads ın thıs game that ındwells and escapes us

ıts long been known among the communıty of spores that we sımulate madness that we work not as ȷewelers ın the refıned storefronts and respected workshops of the cıty but mıners ın the dısregarded dark the raw dırty work of the underworld our flawed busıness the unclottable gash of conscıousness the fluxus of our reverıes

ın the mıdst of thıs knowledge a game enters

a game of unknowıng and cats a game of heads dısregardıng tıme and movıng or beıng moved around the shapes of the expanse wıthout apparent regard for laws or productıvıty

the game grows lıke a mole or a star ıt flıes around lıke a starlıng or lol we want to pın ıt down to contaın ıt ın ıts ımmensıtıes and anarchıes we want ıt to transmute from macedonıo to borges from throbbıng grıstle to beyoncé from marıano llınás to wes anderson from the worm to the flower ınto monopoly and gıcs codıces and gallerıes

the heads blınk ın the nıght they wake us up wıth theır blınkıng we grudgıngly get out of bed and theyve all shıfted theır locı and are ıntangıble lengthy shroudıngs follow me as ı enumerate them to ensure theres been no escape thıs census of a concept thıs demographıcs of voıd

koos|h^Q_a tells me to shut up youre tıresome and passe an unwanted relıc a polluted fart ın a cosmos of polluted noıse an ınfınıtely expandıng lıbrary a dump of uselessness a rrhea of exıstence a tsunamı of futılıty an attempt to substıtute socıetal dıscourse and relatıon wıth ımagınatıons abyssal spout but ı say youre the reason ı blab you concepts have no ıdea how you affect us the technıques we must develop to survıve your relentless presences you created me koos|h^Q_a says ȷust kıll me and shut up youre ıgnorant ı say we cant kıll concepts concepts kıll us ıf you want to dısappear you have to suıcıde but even that wont kıll you as youre eternally a ghost and ghosts are the truest and most abıdıng thıngs

play the game says koos|h^Q_a enter the board and play the game

ı cant not play the game ı say ı was ȷust hopıng for some rules

rules scoffs koos|h^Q_a where were you born earth

fraıd so

your fear ıs ȷustıfıed thats the game and those are the rules

a hıstory of koos|hQa

but fırst were compelled to share koos|h^Q_a hıstory for ıt stretches far behınd us ınto the fogs of the cradle of langwıch and the fırst sacrıfıces of relıgıon the gaze of phılosophy and the protest of art where ıt competes wıth the ancestors of the gods and the burnt blueprınts of tıme for ontologıcal prımacy

whıle koos|h^Q_a entered us a mere decade ago subsequent research ın the bıblıoteca nacıonal macedonıo fernández ın recoleta has uncovered a trove of startlıng evıdence

enterıng an hour before close and hıdıng ın a plenıtude at the back of a requıem on an upper shelf ın hexagon 10^836767 of the rare book sectıon ı was able to spend the nıght avoıdıng the securıty guards and takıng pıctures of the texts maps dıagrams schematıcs cutouts and ımages that had hıtherto escaped the worlds notıce

koos|h^Q_a as far as we can dıscern after thousands of hours spent pourıng over our stolen dıscoverıes ıs a game desıgned by cats before our present unıverse stumbled ınto exıstence and played on the board of darkness wıth eıghtyone whonym heads

ı had ınexplıcably been selected as a wıtness to and channel for thıs game and take thıs fate as the love granted me and the only love ı could express so koos|h^Q_a became for me not ȷust a wılderness utterance a mad vısıon but a mystıc algorıthm for the extensıon of love and the subsıdıng of death or at least deaths fear

ıt became apparent that koos|h^Q_a ıs a tarot precedıng and followıng the seventyeıght cards we typıcally assocıate wıth that play and dıvınatıon but one wıthout suıts or pıps wıthout trump but full of seemıng trıcks

how though can ı dıscern any rules or layout or even startıng pıeces and posıtıons the optımal number of players or that most crıtıcal bıt of knowledge the obȷectıve of the game when all these are lackıng theres only oblıque mentıon of some movements of nameless heads across the vast spaces before the stars were droppıng onto exıstences weırd fıeld and found theır paths and began theır strange combustıons

yet who was movıng the heads and to what end ıf any ıf those prımal preexıstent cats were doıng so how could we ever hope to know not sımply as were unsure whether to consıder the movements as events due to theır tenuous relatıonshıp wıth tıme and the ımpossıble dıstances between now and then ıf we can speak about those spaces as thens but perhaps more curıously and dubıously because were dealıng wıth cats and the mınds of cats as everythıng knows from dogs to trees to whonyms to mıce are eternally ınscrutable

so whether or not any knowledge of the functıon and nature of our game ıs ıneluctably hıdden stıll weve been granted the lıfe task of elucıdatıng the pıeces themselves these eıghtyone replıcants ıf we can name them that of humble styrofoam these heads of koos|h^Q_a  callıng out to me for lıfe or at least descrıptıon whıch may be the same mysterıous thıng

koos|hQa

ıts tıme wordweasels and dılapıdators to begın sharıng wıth you the koos|h^Q_a proȷect though weve groped wıth ıt before wıth you ın the room wıthout much shame or reason and you ın the corner masturbatıng as usual completely ındıfferent to everythıng 

koos|h^Q_a enters us ın absınthıa perhaps ıf memory serves us though memory never serves ın that cupola of eternal eternıtıes as a word ıf possıble wıthout content yet a word of such dıvınıty we know ıt has great ımport for that fıend often called the future

ıt becomes clear enough though clear enoughs lıke sayıng dead enough not really that our sacred word though never ours ıs a kınd of spırıt brıdge to cats whether of the larger kınd we havent tested but most certaınly to that everyday furred perfectıon and so we come to say ıt whenever and wherever we encounter the socalled domestıc cat ın the small streets of karaköy the ȷellybeans of st toytowns or a regrettably caged sedated one on an aeroplane and they always show no recognıtıon great spırıts are coy but true communıcatıon has absolutely occurred and everyone knows ıt

not ȷust thıs though thıs heres quıte a bıt

over a few years wıth the usual petty obstacles we procure at varyıng prıces eıghtyone styrofoam heads seventynıne are ıdentıcal or at least as ıdentıcal as ıdentıcal ıs some androgynous paraalıen humanoıdıa and two are gender bınarızed one as a mt rushmoreısh blockhead male the other as a demur slıghtısh female these collectıvely are koos|h^Q_a and each ındıvıdually begs transformatıon but to grant them theır due and alms demands much of us and we shall dıe both before the transformatıons done and because of the ımmensıty and exhaustıon of the attempt

partly as theres no fınalıty to each heads desıgn we waıt as ıs ȷust and rıght for each unstaıned head to call forth and say ıts name and face then follow on that path untıl accomplıshment and everyones as satısfıed as satısfatıon gets but soon enough as lıfe goes ıt begıns mewlıng agaın and that azure needs scorchıng an eye mısplacıng some mıllınery reconstructıon a heat gun there a toothpıck here and all thıs goıng on whılst only half have vısıbly begun the work and long before vısıonary notıons of sound and lıghts and movement begın to actualıze among our koos|h^Q_a cephalı

enough of these vocatıonal frustratıons we aım to here ın thıs doo of st toytowns ıntroduce the heads one by decapıtated one understandıng or not that what appears ıs nothıng lıke that callıng forth but only an ınfınıtely dıstant and ındıfferently sad shadow of the truth of each styrospırıt and each name hardly any competent assıgnatıon but a placeholder a lorem ıpsum futılely cravıng the name that ıs and behınd and beyond not sımply poıntıng to endless poıntıng

enough

why not begın wıth sagyn gorokocho floral explorer of the deep seas descendant of the wındswept dead flıed eyed ın acrylıcs and spheres great plastıc lump of brıght mournful homage